Not so bad after all
by lexikiefer
Summary: I fight to win. I shoot to kill. I'm not your bitch. I will never love you. I am a warrior. You shouldn't let me stay. Leave me to die. Let me live. Let me die. I will not forget you.
1. Chapter 1

I stared. Chest heaving, lungs ragged, it couldn't be true. I wanted to pass out, but not from the fatigue that had begun to weigh upon my travels, but from the relieving sight of other survivors. Lack of human interaction was beginning to wear down on me in unthinkable ways. Ways that burn away the humanity left beneath my fragile Surface.

My social needs have been denied long enough, I thought angrily. I almost hoped that the people might find me and take me in...if not kill me first. People were once what I lived for when it first started; being the hero was what brought my fearful mind peace at the end of the day. Fighting for others brought me solace for the longest time. But everyone dies. Survival almost seems pointless without someone else to live for, almost...I learned the day I was born that being alone was better than suffering at the hand of others, yet here I am. Here I am silently pleading for some weak group of strangers to take me in. Being alone was always better, had anything changed for me? Had anything changed at all?

"It still is better!" I growled. I couldn't be stupid enough to put my life on the line for another person, much less a group of them. The more dead weight the worse, I concluded bitterly. I wasn't about to throw it all away for the weak and he dying. Every man for them self.

A little reluctantly, I turned away from the smiling children and the laughing women. Hisses filled my ears as I trudged away. I stepped away from their camp and listened to their gleeful fun fade into screams of pain as they were devoured by the undead. As they were torn apart I scaled the branches of the closest tree and listened to the death of the innocent. I listened motionlessly as a few survivors scrambled by my perch. Watching them go I knew what remained couldn't be good. I listened as the silence was restored. Screaming fading meant nothing worse than no one remained alive. I listened as the dead began to walk as their second kind of life began. I was too late to help them if I wanted to.

My fault, this is all my fault, I thought somberly. I could have helped them but instead I turned away because if the past that threatens to smother me. I turned away in order to preserve the lone wolf image I have grown into. Because of my selfish actions, more have died. I could have helped. I could have saved some of them...I could have saved them...could I have?

I refused to think about what I could have done any longer. Carefully I slid down from my hide away. It's all over, I thought forcing myself towards the ruins of the camp. I can't save them now, i reminded my less merciless side. I can only use their weakness to save myself. I can scavenge their mistakes to prevent my own.

My feet felt heavy as I circled around each tent gathering anything that seemed useful in the future. Knives and ammo. Canned foods, bottled water, this camp was well stocked before it went down. I crammed as much as my camping bag would hold onto my back yet so much remained. Greedily I began filling more bags full of food and supplies even though I would never be able to car it all myself without a car.

"A car!" I exclaimed feeling dumb for not having a vehicle of my own; to my relief a large ford sat beside the furthest tent, awaiting my use. I smirked, a truck of that size could do so much. Eagerly I dragged a few of the bags towards the motionless car. Everything was beginning to look up for me. Nothing would keep me from these supplies. Hurrying between the tents and the bed of the truck I loaded the vehicle as full as I could the manage. Slamming the bed shut I ran around and threw open the drivers side door. I stared in horror.

I choked back a scream as I edged around the front seat to the side of the mangled carcass of a small child. It's face had been horribly disfigured by the hands of the undead. Its eyes had been torn from within its skull leaving the gory residue in the two sockets. Black blood leaked from the two holes onto the leather seats of the back seat. A pink bow laid beside her bloody visage indicating that her long bloodstained locks had been pull away from her face before the attack had taken place. My heart lurched at the sight of her intestines entangling her torso and the remains of her once pink overalls. The sight sickened me. The apocalypse was no place for a child, yet thousands were milling around with their insides hanging out of them as they searched for the flesh they craved. I imagine the girl laying before me stumbling around in search of food as she rotted away. The image sent shudders up my spine.

"It's okay sweety, it won't be like that for you," I murmured to the reddened body. As crazy as it seemed I almost expected the girl to nod at me if not respond, but I knew my imagination was wildly impaired from a life of surviving alone. Anger filled me at the reminder. Because of my screwed up life, this little girl had died before she even lived her life. Because of me, I looked around at the bodies...because of me.

Unsheathing the Bowie knife I dug it into the skull of the torn child. With a twist for good measure I retrieved my weapon and gingerly pulled the child into my arms. Blood ran down my arms as I carefully maneuvered my way out into the midst of the night. With a sad smile I laid the child's corpse down beside another disfigured body. As a precaution I stabbed the second corpse in the head to prevent the child any more disfigurement.

"Goodbye," I muttered softly. Turning quietly I almost fell to the ground in fear. The pleading eyes of another living person greeted me as I aimed the barrel of my Glock 18 right between his eyes.

"Jesus Christ girly, put that down!" He hissed in a husky redneck drawl. I ignored his command and shoved the piece harder against his head,

"Shut the fuck up," I commanded. the man smiled a bit and murmured,

"sure sweetheart, sure."


	2. Chapter 2

His deep blue eyes pierced my own as he knelt obediently beside the bed of my truck. His ragged attire drooped off of his mid-section revealing a rather grotesque looking ace bandage woven around his rib cage. Various wounds scattered his bare arms, but none of them seemed to be related to those given by the undead. He was rather suspicious in his quiet ways for he had fallen into silence after I had made it clear that I would shoot him the second he tried anything without my consent. He proved to be pretty easy to handle after he found his place at my feet. Then again most people weren't very disobedient to those that threatened to kill them.

"Alright." I murmured for the fourth time. My head spun around in circles as I forced myself to figure out what to do with this guy. He couldn't be too vicious…that I knew of. _What options do I have_, I thought desperately searching for some kind of solution. _Well…I could take him with me? No too dangerous. Leave him out here? No, not going to end well either. _I sighed in frustration. I couldn't just leave him…but this wasn't going to be easy to just travel around with a stranger tied up in the backseat, and for all I knew he could be a rapist if not some psycho path. Nausea overwhelmed me reminding me of the dangers of starvation.

The light of day had faded from brilliant shades of red and gold into the dull hues of night. Losing time was not what I needed now, I had to get back to my original check point before it was too late. I had to find my way back. Maybe finding my way back required help. Another brain was always good when decoding the clues….

"Alright." I felt utterly lost. I had run away from too many things over the past few months including other survivors and the weight of being alone was beginning to become unbearable. Alone wasn't exactly a good thing now a days. Another few weeks on the road and I was sure to go completely insane. It was time to ask for a bit of help.

"Are you gonna say alright again? Because I think that I might kill myself if you do." The man smirked up at me. His sarcasm surprised me. His speaking period surprised me. I hadn't expected him to speak with the barrel of my gun placed in his forehead. It should have bothered me that he was feeling so comfortable all of the sudden, but somehow it made me grin. He just seemed like the kind of guy people liked to smile for. He was oddly charming.

"Alright. Wait I mean okay…I mean….never mind…" I stuttered with an uncontrollable blush creeping into the base of my cheeks. My face felt like it would melt under the heat of his sparkling gaze. I could imagine the goofy expression plastered across my face in the fading light and I kind of wished I was dead. A little embarrassed I dropped my gun to my side and frowned,

"Okay. The way I see it we have limited options here," I chanced a quick glance at his face, "and I am thinking that…maybe we should continue on together until your state improves a little." I gestured towards his bandaged torso a little sheepishly. I noticed the new layer of blood that seeped through the fabric as he shrugged off my observation.

"Don't do me any favors." He broke in. He obviously didn't want my help for some reason most likely linked to preserving his pride, but I couldn't just let him bleed out alone…he wouldn't listen to that though would he? I had to be creative and turn it around so he couldn't refuse my help. But how?

"It isn't some sort of favor. I need your help." I admitted. "I need your help to survive long enough for the both of us to go our separate ways. Even if it is for a few days, I think that we can both benefit each other here. In return for your help and navigation…I will treat you wounds." I offered. The dark eyed man grunted and struggled off of the ground onto his feet. Unsure of his answer I rushed forward and helped steady him as he began leaning dangerously on his bad side. His posture went rigid and cold.

"I'll be fine! Let me go!" He barked tearing away from my grasp. A little shocked I backed away from the glaring man. His anger was plain through his posture and stance. It hit me then, like a slap in the face…what did I actually know about the man I had just offered to help? Who was he?

"I don't think I caught your name kid," He avouched. I sighed yet again. His sudden change in attitude was slightly alarming and almost proved this to be a bad idea, but what could I do? Judge him and leave him to die? I knew there were two choices and his fate may have well have been in the palm of my hand. But did I really have two choices….or was his choice just made.

"Call me Cerulean." I avowed. His blue eyes flashed,

"Really?" He challenged narrowing his gaze. I nodded with a goofy grin. My name wasn't all that important so why not have fun?

"Well I'm Daryl." He greeted. I raised a hand in a friendly gesture. He returned my friendly gesture with a bloody outstretched arm.


End file.
